dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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