Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just want to make out with him forever
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
