Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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