My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm at about main and main street
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
