please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Pants are for mortals
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
