Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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