She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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