I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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