sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
