I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize