that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
