Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
