time to smoke my breakfast
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
