to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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