I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
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I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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