let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
