i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
