Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
