Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
