Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We have so much sex to catch up on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
