You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
