i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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