My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
