okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
