just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
