I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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