Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
