No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
