hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
