morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
