dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I would ride that face into the sunset
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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