On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
