You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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