My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
