On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
