So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
