Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
