I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
