The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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