i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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