remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
