i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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