Your dad touched me again.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
