glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I will pee on everything he values.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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