that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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