He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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