after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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