She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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