i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
jump out the window naked night went bad
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
