My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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