So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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