I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
