Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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