Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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