i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
