so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
