when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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