This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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