Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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