woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
